you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just invented taco cereal.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
