Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
