The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
