You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
