I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
