She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
