dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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