UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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