You smell like a Billy Joel song
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
