someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
