theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
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the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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