Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We need a shit load of segways right now
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
