i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
