um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
