He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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