Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
