So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
