Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
