smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
