I think my fart just growled at me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
