i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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