guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just found puke in my bra..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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