I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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