She's JV to your varsity
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
