she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
