Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
