I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
