Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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