Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
