it wasn't lemon gatorade
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
