walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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