he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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