Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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