Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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