But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
