I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
