He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
