Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
zippers are such a cool invention
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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