I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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