Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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