If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
