Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
