If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
