Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
