i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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