I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
