Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
