I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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