I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
A bitchslap is in order.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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