just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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