i just google imaged poop.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
