Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
