Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
