I wish I could teleport
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
