Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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