how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
