dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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