It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
