It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
