Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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