Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He passed out mid-signature
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
