I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
