Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
