You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
