I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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