a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
