You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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