my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
