hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
