what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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