is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
