Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
