Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
