I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.