Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...