Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.