I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.