he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
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He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
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IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.