I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
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I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence