she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
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My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?