Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume

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(650): View more from California

I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.

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(914): View more from New York

you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.

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These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Read it at the TFLN blog
(407): View more from Florida

Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.

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(530): View more from California

Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(

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(303): View more from Colorado

Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?

(509): View more from Washington

You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates

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(613): View more from Ontario

that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.

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