Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
