i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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