I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do you still have your period?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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