Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
