Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
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