Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
