I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
