Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
