i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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