My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
