we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
