i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
