I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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