if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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