shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
