Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
