Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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