there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
