Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
