mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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