Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
