i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
3pm strippers are depressing
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
