zippers are such a cool invention
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
