his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
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I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
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my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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