FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
