i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
